I had an embarrassing moment the other day, when Mr. Iceberg joined my family for dinner at The Italian’s house. During dinner, we ended up reminiscing about a home movie we made ages ago (courtesy of the awkward years of the mid-90s). As kids, my sisters and The Italian daughters produced our own “Grammys” show.
It was hideous. I played Madonna. The Italian girls were Mariah Carey, Gloria Estefan, and the Grammys MC. Even worse, my sister Lex played Steven Spielberg and Boo was Barbara Eden from I Dream of Genie. What the hell kind of Grammys was this?
Fortunately for everyone, the tape has gone missing. Unfortunately for me, Dad McBlog was now enthusiastically in the mood for humiliating me with my past. When we returned home from dinner, out came the old home videos.
The thing about McBlog home videos is that my dad is a professional videographer, so everything we made ended up looking like a feature film. Forget grainy images of me running naked though a sprinkler at the age of 4… We’ve got master works of mortification in the form of school projects and one-on-one interviews. Hours upon hours of perfectly lighted, perfectly edited braces and bad haircuts.
In my first decade of life, I was actually a really cute kid. Busting out those videos would have been bearable, so of course we had to watch a winner from good ol’ 1999. My freshman year of high school. Woof.
The video, made for an English class project, was titled “Ghastly Suspects” and boooooy is it ghastly! A murder mystery in which I portray both a grieving best friend and an (apparently) ethnically-confused Spanish/English/half-retarded maid. Eight minutes of sheer horror. Iceberg loved it (that or I’m on the verge of getting dumped).
Next time, I’m going to have to repair my image (and self-esteem) by showing Mr. Iceberg one from the cute years. Get ready for Summer Weekend ’89!
can i be there for home videos please? “woo woo.., woo woo…” as she sings to herself…
Make sure he see’s the one with the awesome monster pillows. Aren’t you a news reporter in that one??
Haha, way to blur ‘em all together! Lex was in the killer stuffed animal one, and I was in a separate news anchor one. Good times.